At school we recently completed the Mississippi Curriculum Test. You know, the one that is supposed to show that we aren't leaving any children behind. Well, somehow students everywhere think that after the MCT is done, it's playtime for the rest of the year. I'm no longer supposed to teach; I'm supposed to babysit. No such luck for my students. While I have toned down the workload (mostly because I don't want to grade it all in the last two weeks), I've introduced a number of fun project assignments and kept around my literature groups. We're going to do public speaking, create a business, and some other stuff.

That didn't go over so well on Friday, despite my best efforts to assuage my students' concerns about being loaded with work the last two weeks of school. Other classes were doing literally nothing up until the afternoon movie showing (a poorly organized whole school activity) and my class almost put into motion a kind of uprising.

All of it started in the morning when a girl said, "Man, this class booty." Saying something is 'booty' is akin to saying something sucks. So, one girl says it in the morning and her two girlfriends start saying, "Ain't it? All we do is work. He a booty teacher." Normally I just ignore these kinds of comments, despite the level of disrespect. I told myself it was their way of venting frustration with the high academic standards I impose. So I figured it was just best to let them vent and move on to do whatever it is we need to do. I've got to pick my battles carefully, after all. Well, by afternoon the whole class took a cue from the three girls and took part in the complaints and disrespect while I transitioned from one activity to the next. Having the whole class complain and say, "Ain't it? He a booty teacher!" made me draw the line.

Rather than flip out, as I once did for something similar, I kept my cool. I told everyone to read the lesson for social studies and be quiet while I "take care of some business."

Calling a parent in the middle of the day is kind of a "nuclear option". When nothing else works, you get a parent on the phone and s/he will get a child to behave because the child knows that a whooopin' will be coming that night. Up to this point I hadn't done it except in the case of a student that had a psychological breakdown midday. I called the first of the girls outside, leaving my foot in the door so that I could see what was going on inside and to leave it open just enough so that the students could hear the phone call. It also got the student out of the view of the class because the student will more likely break down when not in view of his/her peers. I got the first parent on the phone and the conversation went like this:

Me: Ms. ________, I'm sorry to bother you during the day, but I had to call because I'm having some problems with ________ today.
Parent: Oh really? What's she been doing?
Me: Well, ________ and all her little girlfriends think that because the MCT is over we don't have anything else to do in class and get to play all day. I've still got things to teach these kids and all I'm getting from her is attitude attitude attitude whenever I try to get something done. I can't get things done when she starts giving me the attitude that she's got. I was hoping you could have a talk with her about her attitude.
Parent: Well put her on the phone, Mr. Hughes!
Student: (listening) Yes, ma'am ... Yes, ma'am ... Yeah -- I mean -- Yes, ma'am ... (looking at me) I'm sorry ... I'm sorry for my attitude, Mr. Hughes.
Me: (student hands phone to me) Ma'am?
Parent: Mr. Hughes, thank you for calling me about this. She knows that she could miss the trip to St. Louis if she keeps up her attitude and knows what she has coming when she gets home.

The girl went in the classroom and I called the next one out. Meanwhile the girl third in line (who knows damn well she is next) starts hyperventilating, saying she has a headache, etc. So I tell her to go to the nurse's office. After she goes, I try the second girl's mom, but she none of my numbers work. After telling me where her mom works, I made her walk to the office to get a phone book for me to call and get her in trouble. I end up not being able to find the number because it's in Arkansas, but I dialed 411 anyway; I figured $1 would be worth putting the smack down for the rest of the year. I finally get in touch with her mom's orthadonist's office. Here's how the conversation with her went:

Me: Hello. May I please speak with ________?
Receptionist: I'm sorry, she's with a patient right now. Can I have her call you back?
Me: Oh, okay, that would be great. This is Mr. Hughes, her daughter's teacher. Can you have her call me on my cell phone whenever possible?
Receptionist: Oh, her daughter's teacher? Let me see if I can get her.
(by this point the second girl is already crying)
Parent: Hello?
Me: Hello Ms. ________, I'm really sorry to disturb you at work, but I've had some real problems with ________ today.
Parent: That's ok. What is the problem?
Me: Well, as you might know, the MCT is over with and ________ doesn't want to do anything in class anymore. She keeps saying that my class is 'booty', that I'm a 'booty' teacher, and that everything is 'booty'. The thing is that it starts with her and her two girlfriends follow what she does. Then the whole class thinks it's ok to show me that level of disrespect--
Parent: Mr. Hughes, is she there?
Me: Yes, ma'am, she is. Would you like to speak with her?
Parent: Yes, please.
Student: ... (sobbing) ... But he makes us do all this work-- ... Yes ma'am ... (still sobbing) ... I'm sorry, Mr. Hughes ... *sniff* ... I won't be disrespectful anymore, Mr. Hughes ...
Me: (student hands phone to me) Ma'am?
Parent: Mr. Hughes, does your school allow you to use corporal punishment?
Me: Yes, ma'am, it does.
Parent: Well, I give you my full permission to use it. Whatever you need to do, Mr. Hughes, you have my full permission to do it.
Me: If I feel I need to do that, I will, ma'am. (of course I'd never hit a student)
Parent: You tell her that I authorized you to do that.
Me: Thank you, ma'am.

As my conversation was wrapping up I noticed that all of the students in the room got out of their seats to move to the back of the room. It turns out that girl #3, who had since returned, passed out and fell on the floor from her supposed ailment. I had one of my students run to the office, since we still have no phone in my trailer. The nurse comes to check out the girl and says that she's fine. The nurse obviously needs to get in touch with the mother over this, but the girl doesn't want that, so she gives the nurse a fake phone number. I'm pretty convinced that she faked the passing out because she didn't want the call home. I figured that either she was really scared and the very real threat of me calling her mom was sufficient enough to scare her or that she put on an elaborate and quite ballsy performance in order to avoid the wrath of her mother. In either case, she wouldn't be calling anything booty again. So I didn't bother telling her mom about it.

After I got home from that hellish day of school, I was taking a nap. I get a call from the first girl whose parents I called. She asked me to call her mom and tell her that she was good for the remainder of the day. I explained that, while I had no problems with her, she wasn't exactly good because all we had to do was watch a movie. It would have been really hard for her to mess that up. She asked me to call her mom anyway. I told her to have her mom call me, which never happened.

Not two minutes later did my phone ring again. This time it was the second girl whose mom I called. Here's the final conversation:

Student: (sobbing) Mr. Hughes, it's ________. I just wanted to say I'm sorry for being disrespectful today. (pause with crying) I'm sorry for ever doing anything wrong in your class this year ...
Parent in Background: What's the matter? You can't talk now?
Student: (sobbing) ... and I'm sorry for calling your class booty.