As I've said a couple of times, I'm still going through and writing stories from my second year of teaching that have yet to be told. I didn't have time to write them during the year, but they need to be shared, and this is one such story. In fact, it might be my teaching story that is second only to the 'booty' story.

I knew this particular student from the year prior to my second year because he would always talk to me after school. Since I knew him, I requested that he be in my class. Gotta pack the room with favorable students, right? Once in my class, it became clear that the student displayed a strong case of childhood gender nonconformity. Studies show that children showing "extreme" childhood gender nonconformity usually grow up to be gay. This particular student could very well be one of those cases.

At sixth grade, you'd be surprised how flamboyant in mannerisms a student can be. I would often joke with people visiting my classroom, "See if you can pick out my gay student." It didn't take them long, and nobody ever picked the wrong student. Interestingly, I once paid close attention to his reaction to a choir teacher who was extremely flamboyant. The student sat up straight when he saw the choir teacher and his eyes didn't break contact with him while most other students put their heads in their hands from boredom, etc.

Knowing this didn't affect how I approached issues of equality and tolerance, but certainly made me much more vigilant militant about it. Not that it did a ton of good. Kids are always mean and would find new, creative euphemisms for being gay that would elude me for a good while.

I wanted to do more than force the class into tolerance. I wanted to talk to my student one-on-one about being gay and that being OK. But doing so presented a number of problems because I couldn't just tell him it's OK that he's gay. First of all, despite spending hours of every day with this student, who am I really to be a definitive judge of his orientation -- especially when he barely has a grasp on the concept of gayness? It might offend him, scare him, depress him, or a number of other terrible things. Second, I could hear him going home and saying, "Mr. Hughes said I was gay, but that it's ok." As if that wouldn't cause a major problem or anything...

So, I had to go about it discretely, and here is how I did it at our final conference on the last day of the year:

Me: Over the course of the year I've noticed that you're a little different than other boys, _______. Do you think you're a little different than other boys?
Student: Hmmm. Maybe. Yeah.
Me: Can you think of how you're different than other boys?
Student: I dunno... I guess I'm not as athletic as they are.
Me: What about things you like? Can you think of things you like that other boys your age don't generally like?
Student: Hmmm. I'm not really sure.
Me: What about dancing? You really like dancing.
Student: Yeah, I guess I do.
Me: You also really like fashion... and you gossip a lot. Do you think that's a little different?
Student: Yeah, I guess so.
Me: Well, _______, I just wanted to tell you that just because you like different things than most boys your age, you aren't any better or worse than anybody else -- no matter what anybody ever tells you. Some people like some things, and other people like other things in life. No matter what it is, each person is just as important as the next, no matter what.
Student: Hmmm. OK.

(His lackluster responses and facial expressions indicate that it's not exactly getting through to him, so I have to go at it from a different angle)

Me: ________, have you ever met anybody who is a lot like you, who likes the same kinds of things you do?
Student: (thinks for a minute) I don't think so. Hmmm... no I don't think I have.
Me: Well, when you grow up, or get a little older, I bet that you will meet people who are just like you. Even though you don't know anybody who likes a lot of the things that you like, you'll meet some similar people some day.
Student: (somewhat excited) Really?
Me: Yeah.
Student: (thinks for a minute and then gets very excited) Wait a minute... are you one of those people, Mr. Hughes?
Me: Uhhhh... well... I'm an adult and uhhh... adults like different things than kids do... so it's not really important what I like. What's important is that you know that you're just as special as everybody else, no matter what things you like. And, someday you'll meet someone who is just like you. Will you remember that?
Student: Sure.
Me: OK. I'm proud of you, _______. Good luck next year.
Student: Thanks, Mr. Hughes!

I had to quickly figure out a way to not say, "No, I don't like that stuff." So I just confused him and got back on point.

Maybe he kind of understood, maybe not. I can only hope that when and if he figures out that he is gay, he thinks back on the conversation and it makes more sense to him. Maybe it will be some positive reinforcement in a not so gay friendly area. Anybody remember the anti-gay marriage amendment from 2004?