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April 30, 2004

Capitalism with a Soviet Work Ethic

In Work

Today I was reading Lindsay's excellent running piece called "Adventures in Customer Service." They're pretty funny. Here are links to Volumes I - III:

Adventures in Customer Service: Volume I
Adventures in Customer Service: Volume II
Adventures in "Fanatical" Customer Service: Volume III

The thing she wrote about that strikes me is this part of Volume III:

We have these morning meetings where we talk about how much profit was made yesterday, and how that compares to last year, etc. The meetings go something like this:

"Comrades, yesterday we sold $20,000 worth of merchandise! That is a 5% increase from last year! We are well on our way towards fulfilling the 5-year plan in 4 years! The techs are our Stakhanovites, for they sold 10 extended warranties yesterday! Furthers congratulations are in order, comrades, for our store has become the largest seller of Belkin gold USB cables in our district! Now go forth, and perform your duties faithfully, comrades! Office supply workers of the world, unite!"

This is something I've been thinking about since I had my short lived job at Structure (or Express for Men) last summer. Her experience at Office Depot, with regard to filling quotas and selling warranties, is exactly what it was like when I worked at Structure: capitalism with a Soviet work ethic.

When I was at Structure the only incentive for selling a bunch of bad product was to get a bigger discount on those products and to not have the boss breathing down my neck. The clothing discount would have been completely useless to me had I known their clothes would turn out to be of such poor quality in the long run -- just about as bad as minor league baseball tickets for the Rancho Cucamonga Quakes in Lindsay's case.

What exactly drives people in retail jobs to sell their hearts out when they don't see any real return for their efforts? Pushing such a hard work ethic didn't make much sense to me at first but I guess I can kind of see how it works now. People sign on for a regular ol' non-commission job and get sales quotas thrown at them once they're hired. They do a cost-benefit analysis of actually helping to fulfill the quotas that goes something like this:

Benefits:

  • Chances for promotion (maybe, depending on the worker)
  • Bad material incentives (more of a store discount, etc.)
  • Boss won't bother me

Chances for promotion only apply to people trying to climb the short retail ladder. I don't think there are many of these workers, so the category isn't really that usefull for figuring out what drives workers to sell.

Bad material incentives probably influence people who can't look past the real worth of the things with which they're being enticed. But hey, we live in a consumerist society, so it works.

Not having the boss on badgering you is probably be most important factor at play. All of your transactions are stored in a database and summarized for comparison to other employees. It's a lot like playing fantasy sports, and you know what happens in fantasy sports. If you under-perform, the manager keeps his/her eye on you and might eventually drop you.

I would venture a guess that the latter two categories are probably the most important ones for getting workers to sell like crazy.

If I have to do the retail gig again, the only thing I would (marginally) care about is the boss bothering me. I think I would just keep my stats around a satisfactory level and walk away with my $7/hour. I would totally maximize my utility. I would work as little as possible while earning the same as I would working hard. At structure I was selling $900 worth of clothes in four or five hours, putting my stats WAY over anyone else's. Did it make any difference for me? Absolutely not.

April 29, 2004

Finally: New Hampshire Pictures

In UVA

If you haven't read my post on the UDems New Hampshire primary trip, you should. It's one of the finer posts on this website. I just got some pictures back from the trip. Here are the best ones, most of which are from the Daily Show party that we snuck into by pretending we were part of Lieberman's entourage:

Wes Clark is totally checking me out. Don't ask, don't tell, General.


UDems with Joe Lieberman. I still can't believe Hadassa mistook Allen K for her nephew.


UDems with Carol Moseley-Braun


Jon Stewart was not about taking this picture at all. We literally had to beg him. A couple of times I heard him say, "I've gotta get out of here."


I've wanted a picture of myself next to Jon Stewart for a long time just so I can not look short for once. My life is now complete.


Here are some UDems with Daily Show correspondent Stephen Colbert. He was cool and joked around with people.


Here are UDems with Daily Show correspondent Rob Corddry. He too would joke around and actually talk to us. He was actually pretty cool.


I got this money shot of Jon Stewart and Joe Lieberman having a pow-wow together.


The money shot


That ice sculpture can't be cheap.

April 25, 2004

Fidel Castro Falls For A Prank Call

In Funny

Nowadays radio stations are more and more often able to get famous people on the phone and mess with them. A good one happened a few years back when Bill Gates got prank called by "Canadian Prime Minister Jean Chretien," who was actually a Canadian radio show host.

I read about another one today that blew my mind. It turns out that last June Fidel Castro got prank called by Enrique Santos and Joe Ferrero of El Vacilon de la Mañana, a Cuban morning radio program for the El Zol station in Miami. Castro thought he was getting a call from Venezuelan President Hugo Chávez.

This got me to thinking about US ability to gather information and its failures. If two radio jocks can get Fidel Castro, one of the world's most oppressive dictators, on the phone for a prank call, how hard can it be to get usable intelligence? Anyhow, I digress.

Most of the English versions of the transcript were extremely censored. So, I've pieced together a new transcript from various English and Spanish news sources to get the most accurate transcription that I can. There are still a few things that I couldn't figure out, though.

Listen to the Audio

Olga: "One moment. It seems that they are establishing a communication through another line. Maybe we can establish a bridge. Explain this to the president."
(The DJs pretend to explain this to Hugo Chavez)
Recorded Chavez: "Yes, yes. Correct."
Olga: "We've just made a communication. One moment President. You will hear some music but it's only for a few seconds. It's just to transfer you. One moment. I'm transferring you."
Chavez: "Yes, yes. Of course."
Castro: "Hello."
DJ Joe Ferrero pretending to be a Chavez aide: "Lt. Camil is speaking."
(Another person named Balenciaga comes on the line in Havana)
Balenciaga: "Ah, Camilo. Do you have president Chavez on line?"
Ferrero: "Yes, yes."
Castro: "Hello."
Chavez: "Fidel, good morning. Do you hear me? Hello. I thank you. I spoke to German yesterday."
Castro: "Tell me. I'm listening. Oh, yes."
Chavez: "Yes."
Castro: "Yes, yes."
Castro: "There are a lot of issues."
Castro: "I am listening."
Chavez: "Yes."
Castro: "I am listening."
Ferrero: "We have a third person on the line and it's my duty to let you know. Do you understand?"
Castro: "Yes."
Chavez: "Yes, brother. How are you?"
Castro: "Tell me and let me see if I hear you. Tell me you haven't returned yet."
Ferrero: "We have a problem with the line."
Castro: "I can't hear him. I hear certain words. I hear him say Fidel. And then I don't hear anything else. What do you think we should do?"
(Ferrero explains to Castro that there was an issue with one of Hugo Chavez's suitcases that got lost when he went to Argentina last month. Castro was there, too)
Ferrero: "Do you know about the lost luggage? It has sensitive material. President Chavez is extremely worried because of that. Now in Venezuela the situation is grave and it has something to do with this. Do you understand?"
Castro: "Correct."
Chavez: "Correct."
Ferrero: "Fidel, we have to investigate this."
Castro: "Correct. I understand. We have to investigate into that."
Chavez: "Good."
Ferrero: "Your agents that were with you in Argentina must make an extensive search. And the people that are responsible for this must be told. Are you informed that this is a number one issue?"
Castro: "I am informed and absolutely in agreement."
Ferrero: "So you agree with the shit that you have done to the island, assassin?"
Castro: "What?"
Ferrero: "Enrique Santos and Joe Ferrero from Miami, El Zol 95.7! You fell just like Hugo Chavez."
Castro: "What did I fall for, you shit eater? What did I fall for, fag?"
Ferrero: "All of Miami is listening to you."
Castro: "What did I fall for, you big faggot?"
Ferrero: "What do you have to say?"
Castro: "[expletive]"
Castro: "I won't say anything... shove it in your mother's cunt."
Ferrero: "Miami is listening to you, Fidel Castro."
(Castro hangs up phone)

The sad part is that some people in Havana probably got executed in Cuba over the the stunt.

April 21, 2004

The Historical Fox News Channel

In Politics

About a year and a month ago I ran into this photoshopping contest that asked Fark.com readers to photoshop what it would look like if Fox News were covering historical events. Although most of the entries are gone, my favories are still available:

April 16, 2004

The Origins of Bill Lumbergh

In Movies

"Yeaaaahhh, that'd be great."

If you've got a pulse, you probably know what the above quote is from. It is of course from the movie Office Space by comic genius Mike Judge. For those who don't know, before doing Office Space Mike Judge created Beavis and Butthead.

Last night I was watching one of the DVDs from my Beavis and Butthead Six Volume Collection and noticed something funny. I was watching the Butt-O-Ween episode and during the part where Beavis is evolving into The Great Cornholio by eating all of Mr. Anderson's candy, a father and daughter come to the door to trick-or-treat. The girl says, "Trick or treat," and Beavis turns to growl at her. The father then proceeds to say:

"Hmmmm, ummmm, tell you what, why don't we go to another house, okay? Yeaaaahh, this isn't a good one."

The voice that the father speaks in is the same type of Lumbergh voice that Judge went for in Office Space. Plus, the cartoon character looks a lot like Lumbergh. Is it safe to say that Lumbergh started in Beavis and Butthead and went on to bigger things later, kind of like how Daria did? Perhaps. I ripped the DVD and made an MP3 of the scene for all to hear:

Listen To The Audio

UPDATE

Phidelt023 was kind of right. This plot summary explains that the Milton animated shorts did in fact have Lumbergh in it. I have no idea how similar the two characters are, since I haven't seen the Milton shorts. I still think it's fair to say that Lumbergh at least made a cameo in Butt-O-Ween, though.

April 13, 2004

Bowling for Columbine Redux?

In Politics

For all who've seen Bowling for Columbine, you know that a large portion of the movie centers around the tragedies of a small town called Flint in Michigan. Another tragedy almost happened again this past Easter morning. The story made headlines on CNN. What a downer.

FLINT, Michigan (AP) -- -- A group of children hunting for Easter eggs Saturday during a church event found two loaded handguns outside an elementary school.

Flint police said officers were called to the scene and also recovered a BB gun and a broken toy gun on the grounds of Gundry Elementary School. No one was injured, Sgt. Michael Coote said.

One of the guns discharged when it was dropped, according to a police report, but it was unclear who dropped it.

The pastor of Ruth Street Baptist Church told WJRT-TV that one of the handguns had a bullet in the chamber, and the other handgun's clip had bullets in it.

"It's terrible that something like this has happened," Pastor Namon Marshall told the station.

Coote said he did not know how long the guns had been in the park.

Police opened an investigation after confiscating the weapons.

April 11, 2004

Hey Ryan, What Are You Doing Next Year?

In Work
Hey Ryan, what are you doing next year?

How's the job search going?

What are your plans?

Do you have a job yet?

It's too bad Gray Davis got recalled -- what are you going to do now?

All of the above questions have finally been answered. It turns out that I managed to get a spot in the 2004 Teach for America Corps. But where exactly is Teach for America placing me? Read on.

I will be teaching elementary school somewhere along the Mississippi Delta. Where exactly is that? The above map shows the different areas in which I could be teaching. It could be in either Arkansas or Mississippi. The picture below the map is the actual "glamor" shot that is included in the literature that I got. You figure they could come up with something better than a cargo boat or whatever that thing is. What about these magnificent sunsets that I'm reading so much about?

Now, you're likely thinking to yourself, "Ryan... in Mississippi or Arkansas -- the DEEP South?!" I've heard it all in the past few days. If you IM me or post something poking fun at that fact, believe me, you won't be coming up with anything original. So don't bother.

Yes, I know it is arguably one of the most backward places in the country. But, the school systems down there are also some of the worst in the nation. The proliferation of private schools has effectively re-segregated the area. Needless to say, a huge majority of the kids in the failing public schools are black and extremely poor. The average per capita income for the Mississippi and Arkansas counties is $17,311 and $16,633, respectively. If I'm not down there helping fix the education gap, then who will be?

Besides that, the folks down there, or at least the one I'll be working with, are supposed to be really nice and the food is supposed to be great. Something else that a lot of people point out to me is that I'm going to be in L.A., Sacramento, or DC for the rest of my life. When else will I get a chance to live somewhere crazy like Greenville, MS? Another thing that comes up is that I'm stepping out of my comfort zone by living in the deep South, which will probably be a good thing. Plus, the weather isn't terrible during the winter. And don't tell me about the humidity. Regular 115+ degree days during summers in Palm Desert will destroy anybody that lives in a humid area. Just ask Ally.

April 4, 2004

Who Reads This Page?

In News to Hughes

If there is ever going to be one indisputable piece of evidence that I have no life whatsoever, this is it. Today I took the HTTP logs from this server and wrote a series of programs that take a list of IP addresses, reference them to zip codes, and then reference zip codes to latitude / longitude coordinates. The last program then writes a file that XPlanet understands and generates the following graphic:

It only works for about half of the IP addresses that have been logged. AOL and Comcast are two big services that don't give accurate results. Anyhow, kind of cool, kind of proves I have nothing to do.